Willow Stryker's Blog

Day 25 – frustrated

Willow Stryker — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 21:05:54 +0000

I would love for this to work to bring happiness into my life consistently. If I could hold the power to be, I would make it so that everyone gets me for what I am meaning and not what they think I mean. I would make all the people in my world on my level all the way around. I would make it so we are all happy and all have everything stress free. Be as much as I try, there are always going to be obstacles. I cannot make this world any more perfect than it is. There is so much joy to be found, and people can suck it right out of you.

I sometimes hate having to interact with people. How can you be so good and honest and still have to deal with people’s B.S. with a smile. I am not perfect. I am not a machine. I have good days and bad days. I have strengths and weaknesses. I do not wish in any way shape or form to make someone feel as if I am cutting down their believes in any way shape or form. I am just trying to find my place in this world, and doing it the best way I know how – through trial and error. I can only learn to be a better human, I cannot control the events outside of my body.

Day 23 – Healing Stones

Willow Stryker — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 02:12:12 +0000

I am learning about healing stones and which ones are proper to use for which type of energy needed. I find this very interesting. I have started to create a list of stones and their meanings as a page. I have only gotten through to the first part at this time, but I intend to continue until I have reached the end of my list from A to Z. I hope it helps any one who is interested in stones. I also welcome comments from anyone who has knowledge on this subject. I am merely a student and love listening to others talk.

I tried to get to a meeting this morning that was dealing with karmic deleting of debt and stones, but I was unable to get to the place in time – and was locked out A sad day for me, someone who prides herself on being punctual. It just was not my time to be present. Maybe I still have much more learning to do before I will be ready for a class like that, or maybe I have somehow unknowingly gotten rid of my karmic debt. Either way is possible, but I cannot know for sure. What I know is that I missed that door being locked by two minutes, LITERALLY. Oh boo.

Day 22 – Attracting good

Willow Stryker — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 21:48:46 +0000

In order to attract good, one must put out into the universe good. If anyone watches TV they have seen/heard this from a very popular talk show. However, this concept is deeply rooted in the wiccan/pagan beliefs. Some call it the Law of Three – whatever is done comes back three-fold. Or the saying, “What goes around comes around.” These are both great examples of what I am wanting to speak about with you. I set in motion over the past couple of weeks two different types of feelings. The first week, I tried complaining. It only brought about more things to complain about. People stopped wanting to do their job. Arguments arose. Yelling. Screaming. Headaches. You name it – it was around me. I have lost my favorite pen – oh yes we all have one – if you don’t just omit this last part.

The following week, I tried a different approach. I was feeling yucky from all the complaining. So, I started the next week out with compliments. It has returned so much joy. People are doing their jobs. I get to laugh more. There is good fortune and happiness surround me and the people around me. Someone even thanked me for a compliment I gave about them to another person. Apparently, it had gone full circle and made it back to the person. It just goes to show, you get what you give.

If you want happiness, you have to start with your environment and allow mother nature to work it back to you. You cannot put out negative and expect positive back. You are going to get back what you give. This is such a good message/lesson on all levels. I say to you, “If there is something not going right in your life, stop confirming it by focusing on it. Take your attention on positively affecting others, and see how slowly your HUGE problem shrieks. Pretty soon, you won’t even remember what your problem was.”

Day 22 – New knowledge

Willow Stryker — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 21:36:00 +0000

After speaking with some more people, I have found out that elementals are in fact people – not spirits or whatever else I had originally thought. They are people without souls. I was told these types of people have an ability to affect others around them and cause a lot of chaos for the person they are targeting. They don’t do it out of spite, they don’t actually have a conscious. So, they do it because they need the person’s energy. If this is so, I can see why some people would want them around and some would not. They do need some guidance, but then again they can cause so much to go array that it make not be worth it in the end.

I do think it matters who you speak to on this path. There are very opinionated people out in this world. Some who don’t exactly get their information from reading, but just form their opinions from their personal experiences and beliefs. I ran into such a person. She claim herself to be a Shaman. (Side note: in my opinion shamans do not have to claim themselves as anything, they just are.) But, she did so anyway. Then, she proceeded to try an engage others in a battle of whose religion/beliefs were correct. She was not interested in letting others speak, and she surely was not interested in anyone upstaging her. She actually told another person, “And, where did you learn your knowledge from, a book”.

I thought her behavior was interesting. Here she was claiming to be a shaman. Someone who could guide others to a new stage of enlightenment and self-awareness and yet she chose to spend her time turning people’s heads away from her. There was a point I wanted to stop her from her out behavior, but I could not seem to find the nerve. Maybe that is why I was handed the light blue cloth a couple of days later in a color activity. It was told to me that it belonged to the throat chakra. It was for speaking. I guess me holding back is not acceptable any longer. But, I feel so insecure speaking to people about things I cannot full understand at this point. I guess that’s what learning is about.

Day 16 – Letters of Love

Willow Stryker — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 18:16:56 +0000

In the women of light group, we were instructed last week to write a letter to a woman that would need to hear the message today. I nervously wrote mine, and rewrote it again and again. I finally finished the last draft this morning, minutes before I was due to leave for the meeting. I folded it up, still deciding on whether or not to tear it up. I nervously handed mine over to the basket, and watched as it was picked out by a woman. She opened it. What took forever, it seemed, she finished it. As she finished it, she thanked me blindly in the circle of ladies. I felt a little better about giving it because of how touched she was. She read the letter and tears formed in her eyes. She did not think I was crazy. She did not stand up and shout. She did not rip the letter. She took what I shared with her, and kept it in her hand the whole meeting.

I told my mother about the letter, as I tell you about it now. I think everyone should write more letters to strangers. It definitely helps boost your confidence. It takes nerves to hand over a letter that you wrote to touch a person that you don’t know. At the same time, it gives you a sense of knowing yourself. I feel more confident as a person that I know where I am going.

After the letter drawing we were told to pull colors out of a box. I pulled white. I was wearing a gray shirt and black pants. It was amusing to me that I pulled white. I had been asking my tarot cards for guidance with my love life and job. I just received word that my job was going to be coming to an end at the end of November. Oddly enough, the news came to be the day after I pulled a tarot card – The Hanged Man of the Waite deck – which I got as a message for November. To me it meant, a dead-end or an ending of some sorts. Then, I show up to work and receive that news the next day. It was surreal and comforting.

I am a believer that everything ends to bring forth growth. So, this door shutting is not scary to me. I am at peace with the news. I have known since last year this was going to be about the time that I would leave. So, it’s only confirmation that I am not crazy, yet again. So, I have been asking the goddess to help guide me towards my new place in life. I am more comfortable with my talents and with this women’s group I feel even more secure in finding my next place within the time I need. I can only sit back and wait for the opportunity to reveal its self to me.

Day 15 – Dragon’s blood & Signs/Messages

Willow Stryker — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 05:12:37 +0000

I got approved for another wiccan/pagan forum. I thought it looked interesting – only now I feel it is very young. Most of the people on the page look older, but when you get into chatting and interacting with them, they are actually high schoolers. As fun as it is to talk to them, it’s kind not fun when you are trying to learn about this world.

Not trying to read into anything, but maybe trying to see the message – I got a thought into my head while I was at the meeting of the minds, which told me to purchase some candles and dragon’s blood. When I got home, I started moving around my other oils, and realized I already had dragon’s blood – full never been used. Then I pulled out my insense and it was dragon’s blood too. I thought this to be a strange message. I’ve been trying to figure out the message by doing research on the dragon’s blood.

I found out that Magical Uses: Burn for love, protection, exorcism, and sexual potency. Use for Courage; Magical Power; Energy; Strength; Purification; Changes; Determination; Cleansing. A pinch of Dragon’s blood added to other inscense increases their potency and power.

Dragon’s blood (from what I found) is good meant to empower spells, attract love into your life, and rid you of gossip and acidic tongues that could harm you.

I have been thinking about doing more spells. Maybe this was a sign I should do so. I don’t think the message was that of a negative one, after looking at the purposes for dragon’s blood. I guess, it is just the goddess showing me I am on the right path. I have also been thinking more about attracting the right kind of love into my life. And, I also did a banishing spell a couple of weeks ago to cleanse my life. I think this was a perfect message to get by the three dragon’s blood items showing up. Of course, there is always the factor that I am crazy, and reading into things too much. But, I am content with my findings.

Day 15 – Group dictators

Willow Stryker — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 04:43:02 +0000

I went to another meeting of the minds. This meeting was a little more interesting. The Christian believers are out numbered in this group. Three showed up. They snickered at the subject, and was very uncomfortable. I feel sad for these particular people. They were not open to hear what was actually being talked about. A new woman who was not at the last meeting dictated this one. She likes to hear herself speak. She makes obscene gestures when other’s are talking because she wants to interject. I find her to be obnoxious. From watching how she interacts, she one of those people who is looking to argue with another about their beliefs because she wants to convert them.

She got every excited when a late comer entered the circle and had more knowledge of the things she was speaking of. She was not excited in a good way, but a here’s my meal way. You could see her mouth drooling as he sang her song but better. She then tried to take the conversation in a “whose beliefs are better” direction. Thankfully, a lady stopped it. I was contemplating walking out at that moment. The whose religion is better and why is not really my style. I enjoy listening to opinions, but arguing about the REAL truth, isn’t my place or anyone else’s – I believe.

What is right for me, may not be right for the next. Each one of us has our own experiences and situations that lead us in the directions we go in. Who am I to look at your life and judge you? I do not know all there is to know about you. I do not get into your head and hear your constant stream of thoughts. I am merely a visitor in your path. If anything it is my job to offer you positive energy while I am allowed to be on your path.

I feel sad for people like the woman above, she thinks she is doing good. I’m certain her heart is in the right direction. However, a person like me would run from her. I do not like being preached to. I like bouncing ideas off. I enjoy learning from watching, reading, and talking. But, to be talked to as if I am lesser of a person…that annoys me. And, I usually stop listening. I don’t have time to be talked down to, because I come with a different set of eyes. I am an individual. I am a person. I have my own thoughts. My own feelings. My own habits. My own likes and dislikes. You as a teacher should understand we are all different. To teach is to educate. To preach is to hear yourself speak.

Day 14 – Elementals

Willow Stryker — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 04:18:14 +0000

I guess it really does matter where you get your information from. Authors have different opinions on subjects. I found one author that does not fear elementals. In fact, he makes them seem quite the opposite as the other author did. He talks as if we need them to be around. He shares with his readers about the absent of so many elementals because of pollution or negative energies. He says elementals are missing from most of our homes because of the toxins meant to keep the daily foods and various items clean. He says the milk we drink is made in factories with chemicals and such that destroy elementals. He goes on to add a message about our waters containing heavy chemicals to keep it pure enough for our everyday use. He says the only place where he thinks elementals still reside is in fire lit stoves.

The way he talks about these spirits – as natural spirits – does not make me scared of them at all. It seems every positive. Of course, I am not going to jump into welcoming things into my home. I need to do more reading of this subject. But I do feel a little more secure in my house, now having heard from someone else elementals are not as scary and harmful as I once thought. phew for a second I thought I would need to be confined to a padded room the how crazily my thoughts ran…ignorance is bliss. I will continue to stay that, but for me I cannot settle with it.

Day 14 – Familiars

Willow Stryker — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 02:57:39 +0000

I came across a couple different times, instructions to get a cat. This was interesting to me. I know from movies, pictures, tall-tales, and sorts that witches have cats. But, I did not know it was a real life thing for a witch to have a cat. This intrigued me. So, I researched it, to help with my ignorance.

As I looked into it, I learned it’s not just a cat – it’s called a familiar. In definition (omitting the negative parts) a familiar is an animal shaped spirit who came back to assist in magick related tasks. It is said that when a witch finds a familiar, she/he is to ask for permission from that animal. If the animal accepts, the witch shall know. At this point, she/he is to perform a ritual, and give the animal a craft name.

This sounds interesting. I currently have two cats. One is too mean and self-centered to want to assist in anything. The other I’m afraid is too skittish, she makes for a great guard cat though. I don’t feel these are right for my journey. But, I did have one a year ago that was. It still pains my heart I could not keep her. I was moving across the country. I told myself if I found a suitable home within the couple of hours of time that I allotted, then I would not bring her…so mote it be. Wouldn’t you know, not even an hour after I made the decision a suitable taker came. It was not the ideal situation, but I knew she would be happy. I miss her so much. But, I know it was meant for her to stay.

I guess, my task is now to find a familiar for myself again. This time I know what my mission is. I just need to do some more research on this. I have a feeling I will be traveling a lot in my near future. Seeking a familiar of the four-legged kind might get bothersome. Maybe, I will put this step off until a later date. It is very interesting, but I just feel at this time in my life, it may not be the best decision.

Day 13

Willow Stryker — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 13:28:41 +0000

In continuing my reading of the Wicca book, it instructed me to make an altar, get a Dream Journal, and a Book of shadows (BoS). I was trying to decided what I wanted to do first today, purchase an altar or purchase a Dream Journal. The alter is still an intimidating element for me. I don’t know exactly what I should have on it. I don’t know what it should look like just yet. I think I will hold off on the alter for the time being. Because of that decision, I bought the Dream Journal and a book of shadows. I had a book of shadows before. But, I stopped using it as such and started using it as more of a journal. This one is smaller. I got a vibrant Dream Journal, though. I am excited to start capturing my dreams.

A couple pages past the BoS, it talked about something I had never heard about before – elementals. One of the authors talked about these beings as harmful to humans. She stated there were mixed feelings about this; but from her experience and a lot of others, they where not healthy for us to work with. My heart started beating fast. It stirred up fear inside me. I thought I was going to have to sleep with the lights one. Before, I was worried about spirits visiting me. Now, I have to add-on my list elementals, Incubi and Succubi, Fairies, and Vampiric people – oh my.

Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss. I was afraid of spirits because they cannot die. So, I feared them because I could not touch them as I would another human. I feared them because growing up in Louisiana, you are brain washed into fearing the things that go bump in the night. Now, I have more things to fear. I don’t wish to make contact with elementals, and I surely would not want to be held down by a incubi. I was told about Fairies once before, she made them seem good, peaceful almost. This book makes them seem mischievous, bothersome, and a pain to get rid of.

Of course, I will not be summoning any of the listed above. I am too new to this world to do such a thing. I just would like an understanding of them. What are elementals? How can you tell the difference between a spirit, elemental, fairy, incubi, and/or succubi? I do feel the same as she does about one part of this chapter. One of the authors made a great statement about her house and being visited by the list above. She states, “They have their home, and I have mine. I wish them well but need them to respect my sacred place.”

I don’t know what some of the things she talked about really is. I think today I will spend sometime researching these beings.